Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 8

ausGeoff · 07-19-2023, 01:43 AM

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

DNSB · 07-19-2023, 02:50 PM

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

ownedbycats · 07-19-2023, 03:07 PM

What types of jokes are told on farms?

Corny ones.

afv011 · 07-19-2023, 05:52 PM

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired.

DNSB · 07-19-2023, 06:29 PM

The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.

DNSB · 07-19-2023, 06:30 PM

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while  applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two  police officers and a psychiatrist.

ownedbycats · 07-20-2023, 07:48 AM

What do you call a 200-year-old buffalo?

A bisontenial.

DNSB · 07-20-2023, 12:56 PM

I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.

afv011 · 07-20-2023, 05:39 PM

Why did the golfer bring 2 sets of pants?

In case of a hole in one.

ausGeoff · 07-20-2023, 11:00 PM

Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs.

It's also our biggest import.

DNSB · 07-20-2023, 11:55 PM

A Brit is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The Brit replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”

ownedbycats · 07-22-2023, 02:49 PM

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe. "Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast."

"No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me."

Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat. "Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee's gonna break any minute."

Once again, the preacher is unmoved. "I shall remain. The Lord will see me through."

After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone. "Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance."

Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him. Predictably, he drowns.

A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, "Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn't you deliver me from that flood?"

God shakes his head. "What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

DNSB · 07-22-2023, 04:49 PM

A televangelist at a mega-church down south was on stage, collecting money from the faithful and promising them he could help anyone.

A young man left the audience and came up on the stage and asked the televangelist to pray for his hearing. The televangelist starting chanting and took the young man by his shoulders and shook him. Then he cupped his hands over the young man's ears and said some more incantations and finally shouted to the heavens, "He is cured! Thank you Jesus!" The televangelist turned to the young man and said, "How's your hearing now?" and the young man said, "I don't know. It's not until 2pm Thursday."

ownedbycats · 07-22-2023, 05:16 PM

If you don't like the weather in the Maritimes, just wait five minutes.

DNSB · 07-22-2023, 06:06 PM

You know you're from the Maritimes when...

You think of the major food groups as: Meat, Fish and Tim Hortons.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
DO NOT BUY ONYX BOOX! Terrible device, terrible customer service!	alain_desilets	Onyx Boox	15	05-05-2015 03:54 PM
PB - Jokes	cipri	PocketBook	50	04-06-2011 02:13 PM
April Jokes	doctorow	Lounge	2	04-01-2005 10:24 AM

07-19-2023, 01:43 AM	#106
ausGeoff Enthusiast Posts: 27 Karma: 10 Join Date: Jul 2023 Device: Kobo Libra 2	I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

07-19-2023, 02:50 PM	#107
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

07-19-2023, 03:07 PM	#108
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,777 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What types of jokes are told on farms? Corny ones.

07-19-2023, 05:52 PM	#109
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,947 Karma: 2077653593 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Device: Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.

07-19-2023, 06:29 PM	#110
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.

07-19-2023, 06:30 PM	#111
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while  applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two  police officers and a psychiatrist.

07-20-2023, 07:48 AM	#112
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,777 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What do you call a 200-year-old buffalo? A bisontenial.

07-20-2023, 12:56 PM	#113
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone.

07-20-2023, 05:39 PM	#114
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,947 Karma: 2077653593 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Device: Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	Why did the golfer bring 2 sets of pants? In case of a hole in one.

07-20-2023, 11:00 PM	#115
ausGeoff Enthusiast Posts: 27 Karma: 10 Join Date: Jul 2023 Device: Kobo Libra 2	Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also our biggest import.

Advert

Advert

07-20-2023, 11:55 PM	#116
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A Brit is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The Brit replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”

07-22-2023, 02:49 PM	#117
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,777 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe. "Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast." "No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me." Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat. "Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee's gonna break any minute." Once again, the preacher is unmoved. "I shall remain. The Lord will see me through." After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone. "Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance." Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him. Predictably, he drowns. A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, "Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn't you deliver me from that flood?" God shakes his head. "What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

07-22-2023, 04:49 PM	#118
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A televangelist at a mega-church down south was on stage, collecting money from the faithful and promising them he could help anyone. A young man left the audience and came up on the stage and asked the televangelist to pray for his hearing. The televangelist starting chanting and took the young man by his shoulders and shook him. Then he cupped his hands over the young man's ears and said some more incantations and finally shouted to the heavens, "He is cured! Thank you Jesus!" The televangelist turned to the young man and said, "How's your hearing now?" and the young man said, "I don't know. It's not until 2pm Thursday."

07-22-2023, 05:16 PM	#119
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,777 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	If you don't like the weather in the Maritimes, just wait five minutes.

07-22-2023, 06:06 PM	#120
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,424 Karma: 145748708 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	You know you're from the Maritimes when... You think of the major food groups as: Meat, Fish and Tim Hortons.